


Natural causes

by Melime



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Crack, Humor, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Murder, Season/Series 03, Silly, oopsprompts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-12 10:11:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10488486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melime/pseuds/Melime
Summary: Ed comes to check on Oswald before a press conference, and finds a dead body.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Português brasileiro available: [Causas naturais](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10488504) by [Melime GreenLeaf (Melime)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melime/pseuds/Melime%20GreenLeaf)



> Based on [this](https://oopsprompts.tumblr.com/post/157999539607/he-obviously-died-of-natural-causes-theres-a) prompt at oopsprompts, because it clearly screamed Oswald:
> 
> “He obviously died of natural causes.”  
> “There’s a stab wound!”  
> “A very natural stab wound.”

“Oswald, what did you do?” Ed asked, more annoyed than anything else.

“What, me? Nothing!” Oswald said, closing his knife and placing it back in his pocket.

“There’s a dead body on the floor, and the press will be here in fifteen minutes.”

“What, this?” Oswald poked the body with his cane. “He obviously died of natural causes.”

Ed shifted to take a better look at the body. “There’s a stab wound!”

“A very natural stab wound.”

“How can it be a natural stab wound?”

“It wasn’t made by a ghost? This house is said to be haunted, you know.”

Ed sighed. “Is this mayoral business or underworld business?” He might as well do his job, even if Oswald made it so difficult.

“He was stealing money from the orphanage, not a very nice thing to do. And demanding more money not to frame me. He was not a nice man.”

Oswald smiled and shrugged, in a ‘what was I to do?’ kind of way. It was his luck that he was as cute as he was intimidating. Not that Ed was about to say that, he wasn’t sure anyone could get away with calling Oswald ‘cute’.

“Fine, I’ll dispose of the body while you change clothes, but we talked about this before, you can’t kill people in the house. What would I do if you got caught?”

“I hope you would come visit me, you wouldn’t be a very good boyfriend otherwise.” Oswald couldn’t help but smile at the word ‘boyfriend’, that was never going to get old.

Ed rubbed the bridge of his nose under his glasses. “No, I would go to break you out. Which won’t be necessary if you don’t kill people without a proper plan.”

“Says the man who only ever kills without a proper plan.”

“But I’m not the mayor, and if you remember, I got caught and sent to Arkham. Now go change before anyone sees the blood on your clothes, I’ll call Gabe to help me move the body and go back to the living room in time for the interview.”

“Promise? I can’t announce I have a boyfriend without said boyfriend there to confirm I’ll telling the truth.”

“Yes,” Ed said without even listening, he was thinking about what to do with the body, considering they could just take it out in bright daylight. He gave Oswald a quick peck. “Now, please go, we don’t have much time.” It took him a moment to process what Oswald had said, and what he agreed to. “Wait, Oswald, this press conference is to talk about allegations of corruption!”


End file.
